What Really Happens in an Online Memorial Service?

When people hear the words online memorial service or virtual funeral, they’re often unsure what to expect. Can a memorial really be meaningful when it’s held online? What does it include? How does it even work?

At first glance, the idea of a virtual memorial service may sound like a poor substitute for a traditional, in-person gathering. But once people understand what’s actually included, they’re often surprised at how powerful and deeply connective these services can be. Here’s what really goes into a well-crafted online memorial.

The Memorial Website: A Permanent Tribute

The first step to every online memorial is creating a memorial website—a digital space that acts as both a tribute and a gathering place. These are lasting tributes that honor your loved one’s legacy. While each site can vary significantly these sites typically include items like:

  • Obituaries
  • Service details
  • Photos and videos of your loved one
  • Poems, favorite sayings, or scriptures
  • A donation portal for causes they cared about
  • And perhaps most importantly, a guest book where family and friends from all over the world can share stories, upload their own photos, and leave heartfelt messages.

This site isn’t just a placeholder—it becomes a lasting legacy that people can return to again and again, long after the service is over. Learn more about memorial websites here, or take a look at a sample memorial webpage here

The Virtual Memorial Service: Honoring a Life Together

The heart of the experience is the virtual memorial service itself. This is a neatly planned service that follows a structured program to ensure every special moment is carefully executed. Just like a traditional service, it follows a intentionally designed order that may include:

  • Clergy or spiritual leaders
  • Eulogies from friends and family
  • Musical performances
  • Scripture or poetry readings
  • Ceremonial elements like candle lightings

These are live events, and everyone who speaks is given the space to do so intentionally and meaningfully. Families work with our planning team to design the order of service, choosing speakers and moments that best reflect the person they’re honoring. For more details on how we design this space, check out our post on the diamond approach! 

Rather than feeling distant or disconnected, these services often surprise people with how intimate and heartfelt they can be—even through a screen.

The Virtual Reception Room: Connection Beyond the Ceremony

After the formal service, the tone shifts. Just as you’d head to the fellowship hall or family home after a traditional funeral, the virtual reception room provides space for open connection.

There’s no script. No agenda. Just a chance for loved ones to unmute, turn on their cameras, and share. Maybe it’s a funny memory, a moment of gratitude, or simply a hello across time zones. These unscripted conversations bring warmth and community in a way that many people don’t expect from a virtual setting.

A New Way to Remember, A Deeply Human Experience

A virtual funeral doesn’t mean a lesser experience—it means a more accessible, inclusive one. With thoughtful planning, these three components—memorial website, structured service, and open reception—create something truly meaningful.

In a world that’s increasingly digital, the online memorial service isn’t just a backup plan. It’s a new, valid, and moving way to honor a life well lived.

Building a Legacy That Lasts

Legacy — it’s the memories we leave behind and what we pass on to the next generation. 

Everyone desires to leave a positive legacy to those around them, but what truly matters? Most people default to life accomplishments—careers built, money earned, success achieved. But when it comes time to remember a life, we find that these things rarely take center stage. Rather, most memorial services are centered around how someone showed up—their presence, their generosity, and the impact they had on the lives around them.

More Than Just Financial Security

Many people spend their lives working tirelessly to provide financial security for their families. This pursuit is rooted in a deep desire to care for our loved one’s physical needs. And while that’s undoubtedly important, it’s rarely the thing that our relatives reflect on at a funeral service. They don’t talk about the late nights spent at the office, the investments made, or the assets accumulated. They talk about the person—their warmth, their laughter, their unwavering support.

Providing for your family isn’t just about financial stability; it’s about being there. It’s about the bedtime stories, the weekend adventures, the spontaneous moments that leave lasting impressions. Money can offer security, but it’s presence that builds connection.

What Truly Matters

Having helped build countless memorial services, I’ve noticed a common thread: legacy isn’t measured by professional achievements, but by how deeply we invest in others. The memories people cherish aren’t about promotions or long work hours; they’re about kindness, generosity, and time well spent. In short, it’s about the love we give. 

Did you take the time to show up for your family? Did you give of yourself to a cause bigger than you? These are the things that endure.

Invest in What Lasts

Take that vacation you’ve been putting off. Step away from work to make memories with your loved ones.  These moments of love and deep connection will be the memories shared about you after you’ve passed. If you’re retired, use your time to support your family in meaningful ways—maybe by watching the grandkids so your children can reconnect, or by planning a family trip to create lasting bonds. 

It’s these moments of connection and giving that truly shape the legacy you leave behind.

Live It Now

Legacy isn’t something you build at the end of your life—it’s something you create every day. So put the out-of-office message up, take a break, and do something that truly matters. Because when the time comes for your story to be told, you’ll want it to be one worth remembering.

Hybrid Funerals Can Fall Short — Why Fully Online Services Are Better

A Hybrid funeral or memorial service is where an in-person gathering is live-streamed to remote attendees. These have become increasingly popular. But let’s be honest: they leave something to be desired.

Right off the bat I want to be very clear; I’m not saying hybrid services don’t serve a purpose. If you’re hosting an in-person event in a remote location, maybe on a beach, in the mountains, or at a family home, a livestream can be a great option. It helps distant loved ones experience the occasion. We help with these kinds of Hybrid Memorials all the time, and they can be very beautiful. If you’re looking to livestream an in person event, don’t hesitate to reach out. 

But there is a critical issue with Hybrid Funerals that needs to be addressed, and it has to do with inclusivity. 

The Problem with Hybrid Funerals, Memorial Services, or Celebrations of Life

The biggest issue with hybrid services is that they create two completely separate audiences. The in-person attendees and the online viewers are not having the same experience. One group is physically present, surrounded by others, hugging, laughing, crying together. The other group? They’re watching from a screen, passively observing. Perhaps they may get a quick nod from the speaker at the podium:

“We just want to acknowledge those joining us online—thank you for being here.”

And usually, that’s about the most interaction they get. 

A study done in the UK found the same thing – while hybrid memorials allowed a greater audience to attend, they left virtual attendees feeling less satisfied than the in person audience. 

Some quick thoughts on why Fully online Memorials might be the better overall option.

Why Fully Online Memorial Services & Celebrations of Life Are More Meaningful

Now, let’s take a look at a fully online memorial service. Here, everyone is in the same space. Attendees can turn on their microphones and cameras, type in the chat, share their thoughts in real time, and contribute to the experience instead of just watching it.  Everyone is a participant.

When everyone is online, no one feels like an afterthought. Everyone has an equal opportunity to share memories, speak up, and truly participate. The grieving process isn’t about sitting quietly and watching — it’s about connection. Fully online services foster that connection in a meaningful way for remote attendees. 

Separate, Not Blended

Some people argue that hybridization is the best of both worlds, but unfortunately it can leave the remote side feeling neglected. Instead of opting for an in-person event with an online audience it makes more sense to separate them into two distinct gatherings.

Many families we work with hold a fully online service first, ensuring that everyone, no matter where they are, has a chance to connect and participate. Then, those who are local gather separately for an intimate, in-person remembrance. Two beautiful experiences, rather than one experience that doesn’t quite serve anyone.

The Bottom Line

If you’re planning a memorial, you’re helping everyone honor and grieve their loved one. Hybrid services may seem like a convenient compromise, but can unintentionally leave half of your attendees disconnected. Instead, consider giving both experiences, online and in-person, the full space they deserve. Honoring a loved one should never be about just watching. It should be about being present, in a manner that allows for deep, rich connection.

Memorials aren’t actually for the deceased

There’s a common misconception I see when it comes to memorials—whether traditional funeral services, viewings, celebration of life gatherings, or even virtual memorial services. Many believe that when we memorialize someone who has passed, we’re doing it for them, as if the act of remembrance serves their benefit. But the truth is, memorials are for the living.

The Purpose of Memorialization

When we gather to have a funeral, host a memorial service, tell stories, share memories, or create an online celebration of life, we aren’t doing it for the deceased. We do it for ourselves. These moments of remembrance help us — the ones left behind — process our grief, find closure, and begin to navigate life without that person.

Grief is a complex process that can vary substantially from person to person. Memorialization, in any form, provides structure for that process. It allows us to acknowledge our loss, express our emotions, and feel a sense of connection even after someone is gone.

Creating a Memorial That Feels Right to You

When planning a memorial, it’s important to honor your loved one’s wishes — doing so honors their last requests — but it’s just as important to recognize that this process is for you. Memorialization is about healing, reflection, and finding closure in a way that feels meaningful to those left behind. Whether that means hosting a formal service, organizing a casual gathering, or creating an online memorial, the format should support your grieving process, not stringently adhere to some other format. 

I often hear people say their deceased loved one “didn’t want a big funeral,” or didn’t want people to “make a fuss” over their death. But their loss hurts. Their life mattered. There’s a huge hole in the place they used to fill in our lives. This commonly expressed sentiment, “don’t inconvenience yourself over me when I’m gone,” often comes from a genuine heart of caring for those who are left behind — but, crucially, misses the actual needs of those left behind! If we choose to gather and honor them for our sake, we aren’t defying their wishes. On the contrary! We still honor them by speaking about how they so lovingly cared for others.

Planning Your Own Memorial? Allow for Flexibility

For those who are thinking ahead and considering how they want to be remembered, it’s understandable to have preferences. However, being too prescriptive in memorial plans can unintentionally limit the emotional process for loved ones. The best memorials are those that allow the grieving to honor their loved one in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to them.

Often, when I refer to online memorials, the focus is on the flexibility they provide for attendees. While that’s a valuable benefit, the flexibility I’m referring to here is something different. It’s about giving your loved ones the freedom to plan a memorial that feels right to them. Memorials should be a reflection of the people who are grieving, allowing them to find healing in their own way.

A Thought to Carry Forward

The next time you think about a funeral or memorialization for a loved one, remember this: it’s not for them. It’s for you. It’s for the ones who remain, who need a way to navigate grief, find closure, and keep the memory of their loved one alive in their own way.

By shifting our perspective on memorials, we allow ourselves and others the space to grieve, heal, and remember — not out of obligation, but out of love.

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