Celebration of Life

A Hybrid funeral or memorial service is where an in-person gathering is live-streamed to remote attendees. These have become increasingly popular. But let’s be honest: they leave something to be desired.

Right off the bat I want to be very clear; I’m not saying hybrid services don’t serve a purpose. If you’re hosting an in-person event in a remote location, maybe on a beach, in the mountains, or at a family home, a livestream can be a great option. It helps distant loved ones experience the occasion. We help with these kinds of Hybrid Memorials all the time, and they can be very beautiful. If you’re looking to livestream an in person event, don’t hesitate to reach out.

But there is a critical issue with Hybrid Funerals that needs to be addressed, and it has to do with inclusivity.

The Problem with Hybrid Funerals, Memorial Services, or Celebrations of Life

The biggest issue with hybrid services is that they create two completely separate audiences. The in-person attendees and the online viewers are not having the same experience. One group is physically present, surrounded by others, hugging, laughing, crying together. The other group? They’re watching from a screen, passively observing. Perhaps they may get a quick nod from the speaker at the podium:

“We just want to acknowledge those joining us online—thank you for being here.”

And usually, that’s about the most interaction they get.

A study done in the UK found the same thing – while hybrid memorials allowed a greater audience to attend, they left virtual attendees feeling less satisfied than the in person audience.

Why Fully Online Memorial Services & Celebrations of Life Are More Meaningful

Now, let’s take a look at a fully online memorial service. Here, everyone is in the same space. Attendees can turn on their microphones and cameras, type in the chat, share their thoughts in real time, and contribute to the experience instead of just watching it. Everyone is a participant.

When everyone is online, no one feels like an afterthought. Everyone has an equal opportunity to share memories, speak up, and truly participate. The grieving process isn’t about sitting quietly and watching — it’s about connection. Fully online services foster that connection in a meaningful way for remote attendees.

Separate, Not Blended

Some people argue that hybridization is the best of both worlds, but unfortunately it can leave the remote side feeling neglected. Instead of opting for an in-person event with an online audience it makes more sense to separate them into two distinct gatherings.

Many families we work with hold a fully online service first, ensuring that everyone, no matter where they are, has a chance to connect and participate. Then, those who are local gather separately for an intimate, in-person remembrance. Two beautiful experiences, rather than one experience that doesn’t quite serve anyone.

The Bottom Line

If you’re planning a memorial, you’re helping everyone honor and grieve their loved one. Hybrid services may seem like a convenient compromise, but can unintentionally leave half of your attendees disconnected. Instead, consider giving both experiences, online and in-person, the full space they deserve. Honoring a loved one should never be about just watching. It should be about being present, in a manner that allows for deep, rich connection.

There’s a common misconception I see when it comes to memorials—whether traditional funeral services, viewings, celebration of life gatherings, or even virtual memorial services. Many believe that when we memorialize someone who has passed, we’re doing it for them, as if the act of remembrance serves their benefit. But the truth is, memorials are for the living.

The Purpose of Memorialization

When we gather to have a funeral, host a memorial service, tell stories, share memories, or create an online celebration of life, we aren’t doing it for the deceased. We do it for ourselves. These moments of remembrance help us — the ones left behind — process our grief, find closure, and begin to navigate life without that person.

Grief is a complex process that can vary substantially from person to person. Memorialization, in any form, provides structure for that process. It allows us to acknowledge our loss, express our emotions, and feel a sense of connection even after someone is gone.

Creating a Memorial That Feels Right to You

When planning a memorial, it’s important to honor your loved one’s wishes — doing so honors their last requests — but it’s just as important to recognize that this process is for you. Memorialization is about healing, reflection, and finding closure in a way that feels meaningful to those left behind. Whether that means hosting a formal service, organizing a casual gathering, or creating an online memorial, the format should support your grieving process, not stringently adhere to some other format.

I often hear people say their deceased loved one “didn’t want a big funeral,” or didn’t want people to “make a fuss” over their death. But their loss hurts. Their life mattered. There’s a huge hole in the place they used to fill in our lives. This commonly expressed sentiment, “don’t inconvenience yourself over me when I’m gone,” often comes from a genuine heart of caring for those who are left behind — but, crucially, misses the actual needs of those left behind! If we choose to gather and honor them for our sake, we aren’t defying their wishes. On the contrary! We still honor them by speaking about how they so lovingly cared for others.

Planning Your Own Memorial? Allow for Flexibility

For those who are thinking ahead and considering how they want to be remembered, it’s understandable to have preferences. However, being too prescriptive in memorial plans can unintentionally limit the emotional process for loved ones. The best memorials are those that allow the grieving to honor their loved one in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to them.

Often, when I refer to online memorials, the focus is on the flexibility they provide for attendees. While that’s a valuable benefit, the flexibility I’m referring to here is something different. It’s about giving your loved ones the freedom to plan a memorial that feels right to them. Memorials should be a reflection of the people who are grieving, allowing them to find healing in their own way.

A Thought to Carry Forward

The next time you think about a funeral or memorialization for a loved one, remember this: it’s not for them. It’s for you. It’s for the ones who remain, who need a way to navigate grief, find closure, and keep the memory of their loved one alive in their own way.

By shifting our perspective on memorials, we allow ourselves and others the space to grieve, heal, and remember — not out of obligation, but out of love.