Memorials aren’t actually for the deceased

There’s a common misconception I see when it comes to memorials—whether traditional funeral services, viewings, celebration of life gatherings, or even virtual memorial services. Many believe that when we memorialize someone who has passed, we’re doing it for them, as if the act of remembrance serves their benefit. But the truth is, memorials are for the living.

The Purpose of Memorialization

When we gather to have a funeral, host a memorial service, tell stories, share memories, or create an online celebration of life, we aren’t doing it for the deceased. We do it for ourselves. These moments of remembrance help us — the ones left behind — process our grief, find closure, and begin to navigate life without that person.

Grief is a complex process that can vary substantially from person to person. Memorialization, in any form, provides structure for that process. It allows us to acknowledge our loss, express our emotions, and feel a sense of connection even after someone is gone.

Creating a Memorial That Feels Right to You

When planning a memorial, it’s important to honor your loved one’s wishes — doing so honors their last requests — but it’s just as important to recognize that this process is for you. Memorialization is about healing, reflection, and finding closure in a way that feels meaningful to those left behind. Whether that means hosting a formal service, organizing a casual gathering, or creating an online memorial, the format should support your grieving process, not stringently adhere to some other format. 

I often hear people say their deceased loved one “didn’t want a big funeral,” or didn’t want people to “make a fuss” over their death. But their loss hurts. Their life mattered. There’s a huge hole in the place they used to fill in our lives. This commonly expressed sentiment, “don’t inconvenience yourself over me when I’m gone,” often comes from a genuine heart of caring for those who are left behind — but, crucially, misses the actual needs of those left behind! If we choose to gather and honor them for our sake, we aren’t defying their wishes. On the contrary! We still honor them by speaking about how they so lovingly cared for others.

Planning Your Own Memorial? Allow for Flexibility

For those who are thinking ahead and considering how they want to be remembered, it’s understandable to have preferences. However, being too prescriptive in memorial plans can unintentionally limit the emotional process for loved ones. The best memorials are those that allow the grieving to honor their loved one in a way that feels authentic and meaningful to them.

Often, when I refer to online memorials, the focus is on the flexibility they provide for attendees. While that’s a valuable benefit, the flexibility I’m referring to here is something different. It’s about giving your loved ones the freedom to plan a memorial that feels right to them. Memorials should be a reflection of the people who are grieving, allowing them to find healing in their own way.

A Thought to Carry Forward

The next time you think about a funeral or memorialization for a loved one, remember this: it’s not for them. It’s for you. It’s for the ones who remain, who need a way to navigate grief, find closure, and keep the memory of their loved one alive in their own way.

By shifting our perspective on memorials, we allow ourselves and others the space to grieve, heal, and remember — not out of obligation, but out of love.

Online Memorials are for Everyone

Virtual memorial services are more than just a response to the pandemic. In fact, online memorials & celebrations of life are becoming an essential and lasting way to honor loved ones, especially in today’s increasingly mobile society.

In our modern world, people are more geographically dispersed than ever before. While someone may have spent their whole life in the same home in rural America, their family, friends, and loved ones are likely spread out across the country and even around the globe. This geographic spread can make it difficult for everyone to gather in person for a traditional memorial service, celebration of life, or funeral. That’s where virtual memorials and online celebrations of life come in.

Virtual memorials break down barriers

Even for individuals who lived in the same community for their entire life, their loved ones may be unable to travel to honor them due to distance, financial limitations, or other reasons. Virtual memorial services, online celebrations of life, and hybrid funerals break down these barriers, allowing people from anywhere in the world to join together and celebrate the life of their loved one.

At Willowise, we firmly believe that honoring a life should never be limited by geography. Virtual memorials offer a meaningful way for people to connect and share in the remembrance, regardless of where they are located. Whether family members are across the country or on the other side of the world, online memorials ensure that no one is excluded from paying their respects.

The beauty of a virtual memorial or celebration of life is its flexibility. These services allow people to participate from the comfort of their own home, any location, or from any device that works for them. Plus, with the help of technology, everyone can feel closely connected despite the physical distance between them. An added bonus is that these online gatherings can be recorded for viewing at a later date & time.

Online memorials honor memories

In a world where people are constantly moving and settling far from their hometowns, online memorial services and online celebrations of life provide a solution that brings people together to honor and remember their loved ones. Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues who can’t be there in person, virtual memorials offer an inclusive, accessible way for everyone to participate.

At Willowise, we’re passionate about helping families create meaningful virtual memorial services that allow people from all walks of life to come together and celebrate the memory of a loved one. If you’re interested in learning more about how we can help you plan a virtual memorial, reach out to us via our contact page. We’re here to assist you during this important time.

By focusing on the benefits and accessibility of virtual memorial services, we aim to provide an inclusive, respectful way for people to honor the lives of those they’ve lost.

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